Just thinking out loud here, but…
Do you ever have a day where you just feel spiritually yucky? There’s nothing specifically you can point at, as if to say “I thought this” or “I did that”. There’s nothing obvious you can see jumping out from your heart that would make you go “Lord, we need to fix that!” There’s no blatant sin, no act of disobedience to substantiate this feeling of nastiness gripping your heart and permeating your soul… you just feel… deadened inside.
I usually love rainy days, even the ones that are chilling to the bone but not today. Today, the cold and dreariness and the rain seem to mirror my soul. And truthfully, I don’t know why. I know it’s not the weather. Yesterday was slightly chilly but actually a beautiful day and yet, I felt no better yesterday then I’m feeling today. So my soul is stirring for some reason or it’s being tossed about. I don’t know.
These are clues given me, like symptoms of a mysterious disease and I can either hope it works itself out or I can investigate on my own to try and figure it out. But the wiser course of action, far wiser then either of these two options is to get before The Lord and ask Him to show me what’s going on and reveal the mystery problem so we can get to work on attending to whatever issue is wreaking havoc down there. The Holy Spirit has a diagnosis, if this ends up truly being a spiritual malady within my soul. I know, given my mental state at times, that maybe I got my meds all jacked up. It could be that simple. But I really do want to seek The Lord to find out whether there really is something He’s trying to get me to see. I’m never oblivious to the possibilities that God may be moving my soul into a new position in order to teach me some new aspect about His Grace and the nature of His Love. There is always work being done in my heart and on my soul but the work goes much smoother and quicker when I am spiritually present and tuned in to what the Holy Spirit is presently working on.
“But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me…” ~ 2 Timothy 4:17
So today, I want to be present and aware of whatever it may be God is doing in me. Just being present during a shifting of the soul can often feel very uncomfortable… at first. But in doing so, I am already closer to the point of complete surrender to His Will even before He has revealed the issue at hand and just in seeking Him, though still unaware and ignorant of what He may have found, I feel better. The day rains wet and cold and it is somewhat miserable. And though I don’t feel completely better inside, today outside no longer looks anything like what I’m feeling on the inside. The soul still feels as if it’s being tossed around but somehow, it’s found a way to find some comfort in these torrent conditions. That’s not the worst place to be, after all, as it turns out.
Peace, Sean Gutteridge
2 Timothy 4:17-18
17 But the Lord stood by me and strengthened me, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth.
18 The Lord will rescue me from every evil deed and bring me safely into his heavenly kingdom. To Him be the glory forever and ever. Amen.