This life is not God. God remains exactly who He is and claims to be. My feelings towards God cannot become equated with the state my life is in, although there have been times when my life sucks directly due to my lack of relationship with Him. And that’s on me, not God.
Early mornings bring with them conflicting emotions within me. The body cries “Sleep!” while the Spirit screams “Wake!” God’s not a coffee drinker, but He doesn’t mind fellowshipping with me while I wake up over my morning coffee. Sometimes, in the fight to wake up, I can hear a few more things He has to say – I’m just too tired to argue, whine and deny. I think we’ve identified a few issues here, this morning, that I need to address. Oddly, though not generally optimistic, I’m inclined to believe I might actually be able to make significant strides in improving the over-all progress of my personal walk with Jesus Christ. I guess we’ll see. God seemed pretty confident about that, this morning.
The first thing God has placed before me to dwell on is actually dwelling on Him. Intently. Finding a quiet place and time, and then bringing to Him that list of whatever issues His Spirit is revealing to me so that He and I might wrestle with them. But to do that, I first must begin asking His Spirit to reveal those things to me. Do I have the willingness to be so bold? Because He will help me compile such a list once I ask Him and in all honesty… I’m not so sure that I really want to know exactly what my problems and issues are. I say I know, but I’m not so sure I truly know the depth of all of my issues.
I want to be something. I want to matter. I want my life to mean something more, something significant and meaningful to an indifferent world. And that’s a problem. My desire should be singular in focus and approach, where all I want is to be significant in God’s plans and schemes for this world, for this life. I have to ask myself, what does God want of me? And what does He need me to do? Where does He need me go and what does He want me to be? These aren’t the questions that I really want to ask, but if I’m serious about turning things around, I have to ask these questions and, at some point, begin to lose myself giving away all rights and freedoms I believe I am entitled to, and give way for the sake of the cross. I must cease to matter. I must eliminate that deep desire to matter to this world and become only a matter for my God. And that’s the second thing He puts on my heart: that I already matter… to Him. It isn’t necessary to matter to anyone or anything else.
The price of freedom is much steeper then the price of significance. The price of vision is even cheaper. My vision isn’t 20/20! There really is only one vision, and that is the vision we must strive and chase after, continually. Yet, there we go, getting in the way, then wondering why we can’t see anything in front of us. [Sign if I can see!] There’s your sign – if you can see it – and there it is, right in front of you. All that we need is His Grace. With it comes His Power and His Spirit, and those are the only tools we need to do all that He asks. There are two directions in life: toward God or away from Him. When I move toward God, I am much closer to discovering exactly where He wants to go, Himself. And ultimately, all I need to be asking of Him is this: Where are you going, Lord, and help me go there with You. I can’t ask that, though, until I’ve given up all ambition and desire of me. My ambitions are always in the opposite direction of God until I finally arrive at the place where my ONLY ambition IS Him.
I think that is the greatest issue that I need to take before God. Soon. I need to wrestle this ambition out of my spirit before Him and then I might finally be able to go places with Him. I don’t discount all that God has already done in my life, or the ministries which He has given me. But I also know there is so much more to be seen and experienced and to arrive at this ultimate place with Him, I wonder what the effects might be if God didn’t have to fight with me so much.
Peace, Sean Gutteridge
“Return, O faithless sons; I will heal your faithlessness.” “Behold, we come to you, for you are the LORD our God.